Ok...so it's been a while. After much urging from Doctor Popular, I am back in the saddle and got my quill sharpened up for what I call..."a little piece of me dies when you're around".
Where to start? Well, since my last blog...I opened and closed my very own show at the Plush Room here in San Francisco. Dirty Little Secret ran exactly one year and recieved kudos from all who attended. It had a fucking great cast and some of the best goddamned musicians money can buy in San Francisco backing us up. I do hope to reopen some semblance of DLS in the very near future...I will keep you posted.
Burlesque is dead! There, I said it! Folks I may not know much...but I do know what I like. DLS was a tight ship...it ran like clockwork or a well oiled machine! Having been in several other shows, I may sound a little biased, but I presented a good goddamn show. Even YELP-ers have said so...
Read thier reviews here.
Unfortunately the state of burlesque is dwindling. There are some good shows...Little Minsky's, Creepshow Peepshow, etc...but the days when acts blew your mind are few and far between. Roxy Shocks ROCKS! Living Dead Girls make me crap my pants! (More about that later) The Flying Fox is Dreamy! But almost everything else seems to be a rehash of shit we have already seen. Don't get me started on the names people choose. If I see another Von Whatever or Blah Blah La Rue...I am going to climb the nearest clocktower and start sniping!
Don't get me wrong...I am by no means an expert on Burlesque...but I am pretty keen on producing a quality product, be it a bit, act or show. If performers put as much time in thier acts as they do talking about them...we might have a start to a change.
OK...enough on that, for now.
As many of you know, I run a couple of Online Businesses. If you didn't, here they are:
WildWestPerformers.comMechanicalBullAssociation.comYes, that's right...I'm a cowboy. I do Cowboy Magic and Book Mechanical Bulls. It is truly amazing how many people rent these behemoth's. It is also amazing how fucking dumb some of the people who call up are. "Yeah, my daughter's turning 3...I want a mechanical bull." People...get a clue, you must be this tall to ride this ride!!!
Anyway, the former has been taking me out of town for the usual corporate gigs rather frequently. I get to see the heart of America one hotel at a time! I dig it...I actually like travelling. That's all I got to say about that.
Since I last Blogged...I was in a film, did a couple of shows...went to jail...and devised some new food groups for the food pyramid.
In March of 2005 I did my first and possibly last nude scene in a flick. The Darwin Awards was written, produced and directed by Finn Taylor. A VERY brave man. Just look for the German Shower Guy...that's me in all my glory. It went to Sundance and was picked up by Warner Bros., I believe...so check it!
Fast Forward through 2005...NOTHING happened, I swear!
Ah...2006!
Oh wait...back to 2005. I went to Singapore for 24 days over the Xmas Holiday. I was doing my Wild West Show there. GOD, I LOVE Singapore! I spent 700.00 on a Digital Camera...didn't take a fucking picture! It was 90 degrees and 100% humidity every single day there. I drank...ate and whored. Nuff said!
Ah...2006!
This year started of great and has only got better!
One of the Highlights/Lowlights of 2006 was Uncle Jimbeaux's Creepshow Peepshow. What a fun friggin show! Think 70's Slasher Films meets Burlesque. Blood and Boobs! I played Suzin Cuzzin. The younger and simpler of the Cuzzin Brothers. Me and Brochius stormed the stage with
chainsaws a blarin....All was well and good until the Living Dead Girls came onstage to close the show. You see, they had asked me to help hoist a girl up in the air using a block and tackle. Me being the brawny brute that I am said sure. We rehearsed it that dau...she wore a Mountian climbers harness...all was right in the world! Then came showtime. They are doing thier bit...thier stage manager is
standing behind Brochius and I to cue us. She comes to the back of the stage...I hand her the caribiner to lock into...I realize she doesn't have her harness on...I turn to the stage manager and sya something to the effect of..."where's her fucking harness?" "Don't worry...she's got it". So I am thinking it is under her clothes...and what a great job she did hiding it.Got the cue to lift...and OH MY FUCKING GAWD...the little evil wench has FOUR giant FISHHOOKS through her FUCKING back!!!! Needless to say, I am a little perplexed!
I do what I was supposed to do...up...down...up...then I am to lower her for the final time. Now she is 10 feet in the air hanging by FUCKING FISHHOOKS, and I am lowering her...Seems she cut herself free...WITHOUT telling me she was going to do so...THEN...SHE FALLS TO THE FLOOR! It was at this point that I crapped my pants...Literally! I shit my pants. Yes, Poo Akimbo! I thought we had ripped through her back.
I freak...Turn To Eddie/Brochius...he's looking at me as if I am having a heart attack...which I think I did....all the while the steamy brown goodness of me is creating a cushion that I dare not sit on!
I am pissed...for 2 reasons...1. I would have liked to have known that was going to happen...2. I JUST SHIT MY PANTS!!!! Albeit, that is not the first time anyone has shit thier pants at DNA.
The above occurence has proven to be great fodder for my "friends", and the Byline for the next show..."A show so scary even the cast shits its pants".
With that being said...2006 has shped up to be pretty damned good.
OH CRAP!!! Doctor Popular...the reason I started to Blog again...has just sent me Pictures he had taken at a Photo Studio in the mission...Holy Fuck...
I LOVE THIS GUY!!!
Until next time...
