Big News in my little corner of the world...
So, what an exciting month September was! I turned 35...Thought I'd never make it! Coors Light wants to reinstate a National I did for them last year, Cha-Ching. I did a National Sprint Commercial...And got the money shot(again, Cha-Ching)! My best friend Doug got married to the coolest girl in the world. Some Crackhead tried to mug me in L.A., he swathed a nasty gash in my hand. The Va Va Voom Room re-opens after a month's hiatus.
So...My mother always said I'd never live to 13...And here I am, 35 yrs young. 22 years past my expiration date, go figure! My original plan was to hit Vegas like the reincarnation of Frank, Sammy and Dean...Ring-a-Ding-Ding, baby! Unfortunately, all of my compatriots were lowcash at the time, so I opted for Pizza and Beer and of course, "party favors". Great people showed up, good times were had by all...Or if they weren't, my friends used their better judgment and did not tell me otherwise.
"Hey RJ, I'm Calling to get your sizes for the Sprint Commercial". That is how I found out that I had booked the gig. Not a call from my agent, no...but a call from the wardrobe supervisor. As a matter of fact, I was the first to tell my agent that I had booked the gig. "One of these things is not like the other..." Needless to say, I was still pretty damned ecstatic! The shoot was scheduled for Saturday, the 18th...the same night as my friend Doug's wedding rehearsal dinner. Now I figured...8 hours...starting at 6:30 am...done in plenty of time to get to Monterey. No such luck! My car died. I had no way of getting my fat ass down to the wedding. Luckily, Doug said he'd come up and get me. Perfect, I'll be done by 3:30 or so...pick me up and we'll make it in plenty of time. Well, the shoot went long...way long...Anyway...more about that below. On to the shoot. It was great, the typical shit...trailer, crafts services, hot extras, craft services, hot wardrobe and make-up chicks, craft services...did I mention craft services? The other principals we really cool. Robert, the other big guy, and I had worked a gig together before and we had a rapport. We sat around for a couple of hours in and out of make-up and wardrobe and finally got called to the set. It is a tailgating spot, so there were grills and girls everywhere...awesome! They had us man the hero area and go about tailgating...which was not a problem. It was a weird shoot though...there were lines, but no one specific principal had any one line. The director gave all of us the lines and said she would point to us when it was time to speak. Ok...for those of you that do not know...this is very odd! Then the Sprint Guy comes rolling in on this ultra cool bus and tells us that Sprint is no longer charging for overages...woo hoo! Now, Brian.....the Sprint Guy wasn't feeding us his lines yet. We had this little troll of a stand-up comedian(who looked an awful lot like Bud Bundy) feeding us reaction lines. They were either reaction lines, or he was trying out new material for his gig at the PunchLine...still not sure. Ok...so we Pavloved our lines as directed and broke for lunch. It was then that I found out the reason for the weirdness of the mornings activities. It seems that the Client(Sprint) was there, as well as the Ad Agency and they were looking at all 6 of the principals to see which one of us would contrast Brian(the Sprint Guy) the best. NOTHING says contrast like a Big, Fat, Bald Guy! Needless to say, I got the money shot and a dialogue with Brian. Pretty Cool! (Note: The Ad has started airing as of yesterday 09/30/04...11 days pretty damned fast!)
My oldest friend Doug Got married on the 19th. Much against my complete abhorring of that institute, I was in his wedding party. So, ordered the tux...picked it up...noticed the shirt was the wrong color and the vest was way too small. I had them reorder them and ship em down to the Monterey Store, where Doug was getting hitched. Two days before Doug's wedding I book a National Sprint Commercial...to shoot the day before his wedding. I, being the whore I am, took the gig and thought nothing of the time constraints. Well, long story even longer...my car died...I had to Greyhound it down to Monterey...8 hours before the wedding. The day of the wedding...1 hour until, to be exact we swung by the tux shop to pick up my shirt and vest. Good news first...the shirt was the right color...Bad news...the vest was white, not "apple" as I had ordered. Well, I came unglued...actually, I re-enacted a scene from the bus the night before...ripped a vest off of a mannequin that was the right color and said..."I will make this work!" How, I did not know. So we are driving, a la Mr. Toad's Wild Ride towards Carmel and I am trying to Macguyver this friggin medium vest to fit my 4X body. My Kingdom for a wad of gum and some baling wire! I decided that I was gonna slit it up the back and tie it to my body. It worked...however, I had to walk all stooped over as to make it appear like Doug and Scott's. I figured I could pull it off for the ceremony...as long as we didn't tell Serena(Doug's Fiance). Saints be praised...it worked! Best goddamned acting job of my career! I was able to take it off at the reception, THANK YOU JEBUS! OK, the reception was another story. Let me give you a little backstory. Doug's family - middle America, white bread family with skeletons in the closet. Serena's Family - complete and traditional Mandarin Chinese. Oil and Water. Serena had Doug give me the "talk" about minding my P's and Q's as not to upset her family. I was taken aback! Did she really think I was as uncouth as a typical Springer guest? I pride myself in being able to control my behavior when necessary. And I did, much to the chagrin of Doug's extended family. I guess they were all expecting me to do origami with my penis or something. They kept feeding me copious amounts of alcohol in hopes that I would "loosen up" a bit. Alas, decorum took over and I was a model wedding guest...but there is always next time!
L.A., I hardly knew ye...
So I was in L.A. auditioning yet again. I really like being a big fish in a small pond here in San Francisco! Anyway, stayed at a seedy Super 8 in downtown H'wood. It was late, and I had a bottle of Jameson's that was in desperate need of attention...and ice. I strolled to the ice machine down the balcony...as I approached, this little crackhead jumps out from behind the machine with a knife and demands my money. I let him know that I was as broke as him..to which he responded with the usual aplomb. The little bastard swiped his knife in my direction and in defending my money-making face, I put up my hands. He got me...right across the right palm. 4 inches long, but not too deep. Again, thank you Jebus! He ran...I screamed an ungodly amount of expletives in his direction...got my ice and headed back to my room. Packed the cut full of Neosporin and Superglue, and waited till I came home to see my Doc. All is well, now...but I got a great scar!
The Va Va Voom Room re-opens tonight! Woohoo...love this show. How many Magicians get to say they get to try out new shit and perform it every week? It really keeps one on his toes! If you don't know what the show is...here goes. It is Olde Time Vaudeville and Burlesque. It is a hoot! Me and a bunch of strippers...what more could I ask for? Seriously, for more info go to www.vavavoomroom.com.
Well, that recaps September for ya. Stay tuned for more.
Until next time, I'll see you in the Funny Pages...
So...My mother always said I'd never live to 13...And here I am, 35 yrs young. 22 years past my expiration date, go figure! My original plan was to hit Vegas like the reincarnation of Frank, Sammy and Dean...Ring-a-Ding-Ding, baby! Unfortunately, all of my compatriots were lowcash at the time, so I opted for Pizza and Beer and of course, "party favors". Great people showed up, good times were had by all...Or if they weren't, my friends used their better judgment and did not tell me otherwise.
"Hey RJ, I'm Calling to get your sizes for the Sprint Commercial". That is how I found out that I had booked the gig. Not a call from my agent, no...but a call from the wardrobe supervisor. As a matter of fact, I was the first to tell my agent that I had booked the gig. "One of these things is not like the other..." Needless to say, I was still pretty damned ecstatic! The shoot was scheduled for Saturday, the 18th...the same night as my friend Doug's wedding rehearsal dinner. Now I figured...8 hours...starting at 6:30 am...done in plenty of time to get to Monterey. No such luck! My car died. I had no way of getting my fat ass down to the wedding. Luckily, Doug said he'd come up and get me. Perfect, I'll be done by 3:30 or so...pick me up and we'll make it in plenty of time. Well, the shoot went long...way long...Anyway...more about that below. On to the shoot. It was great, the typical shit...trailer, crafts services, hot extras, craft services, hot wardrobe and make-up chicks, craft services...did I mention craft services? The other principals we really cool. Robert, the other big guy, and I had worked a gig together before and we had a rapport. We sat around for a couple of hours in and out of make-up and wardrobe and finally got called to the set. It is a tailgating spot, so there were grills and girls everywhere...awesome! They had us man the hero area and go about tailgating...which was not a problem. It was a weird shoot though...there were lines, but no one specific principal had any one line. The director gave all of us the lines and said she would point to us when it was time to speak. Ok...for those of you that do not know...this is very odd! Then the Sprint Guy comes rolling in on this ultra cool bus and tells us that Sprint is no longer charging for overages...woo hoo! Now, Brian.....the Sprint Guy wasn't feeding us his lines yet. We had this little troll of a stand-up comedian(who looked an awful lot like Bud Bundy) feeding us reaction lines. They were either reaction lines, or he was trying out new material for his gig at the PunchLine...still not sure. Ok...so we Pavloved our lines as directed and broke for lunch. It was then that I found out the reason for the weirdness of the mornings activities. It seems that the Client(Sprint) was there, as well as the Ad Agency and they were looking at all 6 of the principals to see which one of us would contrast Brian(the Sprint Guy) the best. NOTHING says contrast like a Big, Fat, Bald Guy! Needless to say, I got the money shot and a dialogue with Brian. Pretty Cool! (Note: The Ad has started airing as of yesterday 09/30/04...11 days pretty damned fast!)
My oldest friend Doug Got married on the 19th. Much against my complete abhorring of that institute, I was in his wedding party. So, ordered the tux...picked it up...noticed the shirt was the wrong color and the vest was way too small. I had them reorder them and ship em down to the Monterey Store, where Doug was getting hitched. Two days before Doug's wedding I book a National Sprint Commercial...to shoot the day before his wedding. I, being the whore I am, took the gig and thought nothing of the time constraints. Well, long story even longer...my car died...I had to Greyhound it down to Monterey...8 hours before the wedding. The day of the wedding...1 hour until, to be exact we swung by the tux shop to pick up my shirt and vest. Good news first...the shirt was the right color...Bad news...the vest was white, not "apple" as I had ordered. Well, I came unglued...actually, I re-enacted a scene from the bus the night before...ripped a vest off of a mannequin that was the right color and said..."I will make this work!" How, I did not know. So we are driving, a la Mr. Toad's Wild Ride towards Carmel and I am trying to Macguyver this friggin medium vest to fit my 4X body. My Kingdom for a wad of gum and some baling wire! I decided that I was gonna slit it up the back and tie it to my body. It worked...however, I had to walk all stooped over as to make it appear like Doug and Scott's. I figured I could pull it off for the ceremony...as long as we didn't tell Serena(Doug's Fiance). Saints be praised...it worked! Best goddamned acting job of my career! I was able to take it off at the reception, THANK YOU JEBUS! OK, the reception was another story. Let me give you a little backstory. Doug's family - middle America, white bread family with skeletons in the closet. Serena's Family - complete and traditional Mandarin Chinese. Oil and Water. Serena had Doug give me the "talk" about minding my P's and Q's as not to upset her family. I was taken aback! Did she really think I was as uncouth as a typical Springer guest? I pride myself in being able to control my behavior when necessary. And I did, much to the chagrin of Doug's extended family. I guess they were all expecting me to do origami with my penis or something. They kept feeding me copious amounts of alcohol in hopes that I would "loosen up" a bit. Alas, decorum took over and I was a model wedding guest...but there is always next time!
L.A., I hardly knew ye...
So I was in L.A. auditioning yet again. I really like being a big fish in a small pond here in San Francisco! Anyway, stayed at a seedy Super 8 in downtown H'wood. It was late, and I had a bottle of Jameson's that was in desperate need of attention...and ice. I strolled to the ice machine down the balcony...as I approached, this little crackhead jumps out from behind the machine with a knife and demands my money. I let him know that I was as broke as him..to which he responded with the usual aplomb. The little bastard swiped his knife in my direction and in defending my money-making face, I put up my hands. He got me...right across the right palm. 4 inches long, but not too deep. Again, thank you Jebus! He ran...I screamed an ungodly amount of expletives in his direction...got my ice and headed back to my room. Packed the cut full of Neosporin and Superglue, and waited till I came home to see my Doc. All is well, now...but I got a great scar!
The Va Va Voom Room re-opens tonight! Woohoo...love this show. How many Magicians get to say they get to try out new shit and perform it every week? It really keeps one on his toes! If you don't know what the show is...here goes. It is Olde Time Vaudeville and Burlesque. It is a hoot! Me and a bunch of strippers...what more could I ask for? Seriously, for more info go to www.vavavoomroom.com.
Well, that recaps September for ya. Stay tuned for more.
Until next time, I'll see you in the Funny Pages...
posted by RJ - the Big Magic Fungi at 2:02 PM
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